December Reading Roundup
Year-end overflow: connection, clarity, and a little chaos.
Photo by 𝕯𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖆 𝓖𝓾𝓭𝓸𝓼𝓱𝓷𝓲𝓴𝓸𝓿𝓪
Hi friends,
OK, this month’s roundup is bursting at the seams.
And I’ll admit, it’s everything I had left over at the end of the year: tabs I couldn’t bear to close, studies I kept meaning to share, articles too thoughtful to drop. So instead of paring back, I’m leaning in. Think of it as a year-end buffet of insight: a mix of psychology, relationships, gender nuance, and brain science. Hopefully something for everyone.
Highlights at a Glance
Don’t lower your dating standards — Skill-building beats settling.
Drop the buckets — What if sex and gender categories are the problem?
Bad sex difference science? Here’s how to fix it — Three rules for researchers.
Politics and pillow talk — What partisan mismatch does to relationships.
Imagination as emotional rehearsal — The brain doesn’t know it’s not real.
The power of a relationship assessment — Four hours that could change everything.
Oxytocin and friendship — It’s not just for lovers.
Tiny shifts, big results — How micro-moves reshape relationships.
How to help your partner de-escalate — Five do’s (and a few don’ts).
Still in a situationship? — Two psychology concepts that explain why.
Teens and AI friendship — Who fills the gap when peers can’t?
How brains create shared perception — Same beach, same dog, same neural code.
Culture shapes how love feels — Why romance ≠ happiness in every society.
Sex and happiness: it’s complicated — Quantity or quality?
The friendship imperative — Your brain is wired to connect.
One mindset shift that changes everything — Stop blaming, start growing.
Touch as manipulation — When hugs aren’t what they seem.
In-Depth Summaries
Don’t Lower Your Dating Standards
Dating might feel bleak, but that’s not a reason to settle. This piece explores the so-called “relationship recession,” from loneliness to late-life divorce—and argues that the answer isn’t to give up, but to skill up. Especially for men struggling socially, it’s not game over. These are learnable skills. If love isn’t guaranteed, all the more reason to show up ready.
👉 Read it here.
Stop Sorting People Into Sex and Gender Buckets
This smart critique of binary categories like “male” and “female” doesn’t aim to erase difference—it argues for better science. When we over-rely on crude sex/gender labels, we miss the real underlying drivers (think: hormones, socialization, environment). Instead of comparing “men vs. women,” ask: does estradiol predict behavior? Precision over polarization.
👉 Read it here.
Three Rules to Stop Bad Sex Difference Science
Just because something correlates with sex doesn’t mean sex causes it. This piece outlines three clear principles to avoid lazy biomedical assumptions: cite responsibly, test alternatives, and watch your denominator. From COVID to drug side effects, sex-based shortcuts have real consequences.
👉 Full article here.
I Love You, But I Hate Your Politics
A new study of 500+ couples found that even perceived political differences predict lower relationship satisfaction—more than actual party mismatch. But there’s hope: daily appreciation and curiosity can soften the edges. In other words, connection can outlast ideology.
👉 Read more.
Your Brain Can’t Tell if It’s Real—and That’s Powerful
Just imagining a warm moment with someone can make you like them more. This study shows that the brain’s reward systems light up during mental simulations just like during actual social interactions. Daydreaming, it turns out, can be practice for real connection.
👉 Study link.
Want to Level Up Your Relationship? Start With This
Clinical psychologist Greg Matos recommends a comprehensive four-hour assessment for couples—ideally guided by a Gottman-trained therapist. It includes individual interviews, a mental health screen, and a tailored roadmap. It’s not therapy… but it might be the best on-ramp to it.
👉 Details here.
Is Oxytocin the Friendship Hormone, Too?
We know oxytocin as the “love hormone,” but it might be just as key for friendship. Prairie voles without oxytocin receptors still bonded—but it was slower, weaker, and less loyal. This hormone may be the fast-acting glue for human connection.
👉 Read the study.
Tiny Shifts, Big Love
Forget the grand gestures. According to psychologist Mark Travers, real relationship change starts with 1% shifts in empathy, curiosity, or presence. These micro-moves bypass defensiveness and create lasting change. Think: one breath, one kind word, one thoughtful pause.
👉 More here.
How to Help Your Partner Calm the Hell Down
When tempers flare, your partner can either ground you—or light the match. This piece outlines five research-backed ways partners help regulate each other (or not), from soothing distraction to emotional invalidation. Read this before your next blow-up.
👉 Read the article.
Why You’re Still in That Situationship
Still hanging onto something that’s not quite a relationship? Psychologists point to two traps: the sunk cost fallacy and social exchange theory. It’s not irrational—you’re just getting something out of it. But if it’s not serving you, it’s time to choose yourself.
👉 Full article here.
Teens Are Befriending AI—Should We Be Worried?
Teens are turning to AI chatbots for advice, empathy, and even “friendship.” Some find relief. Others risk isolation and confusion. This thoughtful piece explores how digital surrogates are reshaping adolescence—and why messy, real-life friendships still matter most.
👉 Deep dive here.
Your Brain’s Secret Code for Seeing the Same Thing
How can two people look at a dog on a beach and agree it’s a dog, when their neurons fire differently? This study finds a shared pattern of relationships between neural firings across brains—a kind of communal coding system. Big implications for AI and perception.
👉 Study here.
Love Feels Different in Religious vs. Secular Cultures
A global study shows that in religious societies, love doesn’t correlate as strongly with well-being. That’s not a bug—it’s cultural design. In those contexts, happiness comes more from faith, duty, or family than romantic connection.
👉 Explore the research.
More Sex, More Happiness? It’s Not That Simple
Some studies say more sex = more happiness—others say it depends. Emotional connection, satisfaction, and context matter more than frequency. So before chasing “more,” ask: is this meaningful? Are we close?
👉 Thoughtful breakdown here.
Your Brain Is Begging for Friendship
We’re wired to connect. Neuroscientist Ben Rein explains how friendship boosts reward chemicals and how social deprivation spikes stress. As tech replaces face time, our brains—and hearts—are suffering.
👉 Read more.
The One Shift That Can Save Your Relationship
Think your partner is the problem? Maybe—but new research shows that people with an “internal locus of control” (i.e. belief in their own ability to change) have healthier relationships. Accountability is attractive.
👉 Learn more.
When a Hug Isn’t Just a Hug
Some people use affectionate touch not to connect—but to control. A new study shows that those high in narcissism, psychopathy, or Machiavellianism often deploy touch manipulatively—especially women. Tenderness, it turns out, can be weaponized.
👉 Fascinating read.
Final Thoughts
Whew. That was a lot, and if you’re still here, you’re my kind of reader.
This end-of-year collection reflects the beautiful mess of human connection: full of nuance and contradiction. Whether you’re reflecting on your own relationship patterns, your brain’s quirks, or society’s shifting norms, I hope something here stirred your curiosity.
What resonated with you most? Drop a comment: I’d love to know.
See you in the new year,
John