Is Relationship Coaching Worth It?

Feb 24

It seems like there are a lot of people calling themselves relationship coaches these days, and if you have been wondering if a relationship coach is right for you, you may have some of the same questions other people have:

• What is a relationship coach?

• How much do they cost, and are they worth the money?

• How do I find a good one, and what will they do to help me?

Does Relationship Coaching Work?

The short answer is yes; relationship coaching does work. Studies have shown that relationship coaching can generate positive change in about 75% of relationships. But there are several factors that determine whether your relationship will fall into that 75%. These are: whether the coaching approach is evidence-based, the nature of the coach’s qualifications, and whether both people in the relationship are a good fit for the coaching model.

But what is a relationship coach, anyway – are they like therapists are they more like consultants?

What is a Relationship Coach?

The American Psychological Association defines coaching as “specialized instruction and training provided to enable individuals to acquire or enhance particular skills, as in executive coaching or life coaching, or to improve performance, as in athletic or academic coaching.”

Relationship coaching is part of the wider coaching movement that includes career coaching, executive coaching, health coaching, and life coaching. In general, relationship coaches fall somewhere between licensed mental health providers and ordinary consultants, and they tend to come in two types: those who focus on the relationships you have now (relationship coaches) and those who focus on the relationship you would like to have in the future (dating coaches).

You should know, however, that anyone can call themselves a relationship coach. There are no education or training requirements, nor does any state requires coaches to be licensed the way a psychologist or social worker is.

What Does a Relationship Coach Do?

A relationship coach is someone who helps you acquire skills to improve your relationships. Depending on the client and the theoretical model a coach is using (such as CLEAR or GROW), the coaching program might include some of the following:

• Behavior change

• Communication skills

• Facilitating difficult topics

• Goal setting

• Problem solving

What is the Difference between a Relationship Coach and a Therapist?

Most coaches and therapists see themselves as different kinds of professionals. Generally, coaches tend to focus on skills acquisition and performance enhancement, while therapists tend to focus on insight and symptom reduction. However, therapist is an unregulated title just like coach, so anyone can call themselves a therapist without having any kind of education or training. Which means from a public safety perspective, they are equivalent.

How Do You Become a Certified Relationship Coach?

This is a bit of a trick question, because I had instead asked how you become a relationship coach (without the certified), then I could have talked about all the different kinds of licensed providers who practice relationship coaching, such as psychologists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, and professional counselors. All of these professionals hold state licenses. But I wanted to highlight the certified relationship coach here because it points to something you should know about these providers.

You can become a certified relationship coach by completing a brief training program, some as short as nine days and others as long as 7 months. As I reviewed some of the programs, I found some troubling claims, such as one that promised graduates a 100% success rate in their practice. That’s not possible, and if that’s what they are teaching their students, those students are going to misunderstand the nature of human behavior and/or overestimate the value of their services.

What Makes a Good Relationship Coach?

I’ll tell you what doesn’t make a good relationship coach: a certification. I would go so far as to say that having a relationship coach certification is a red flag, if that is their main qualification. Why? Because most qualified providers do not bother to get them – they either already have a mental health license, or they have a proven track record in coaching.

But I’m not here to bash anybody. One thing I learned in my PhD program is that extensive training doesn’t necessarily make a great clinician. And I’ve also met people who had a lot of natural talent and not much training but who were great providers. What I am saying though is that training does matter, but you need to consider the nature of a person’s qualifications before you spend the money.

How Much Does Relationship Coaching Cost?

Rates for an hour of relationship coaching average about $100, with a range of $50 to $350. There are relatively few coaches working at the upper end of this range (in fact, according to the Department of Labor, coaches average only about $62,000 per year in income), but some can command higher rates due to their experience or reputation. Newer coaches tend to charge on the lower end of that range while they gain experience and skill.

Coaches will often negotiate their published rate depending on a client’s ability to pay, the number of sessions requested, and the nature of the service. You should be wary of any coach who do not describe their fee structure clearly on their website.

Alternatives to Relationship Coaching

Couples Therapy

Both couples therapists and relationship coaches can offer valuable support, but there are some differences between the two that may make couples therapy a better option:

Training and Credentials

Couples therapists typically have formal training in psychology, counseling, or marriage and family therapy, and usually hold a Masters or a Doctoral degrees in their field. They are licensed by state regulatory boards, which require specific education, supervised experience, and adherence to professional and ethical standards (which include maintaining confidentiality, avoiding conflicts of interest, and prioritizing the well-being of their clients).

Scope of Practice, Cost and Accessibility

Couples therapists are trained to work with a wide range of relationship issues, including complex emotional and psychological challenges, mental health disorders, and trauma. They are equipped to provide therapy for individuals, couples, and families, and their work is often covered by health insurance, reducing the out-of-pocket cost for clients.

Focus and Approach

Couples therapists often use evidence-based therapeutic approaches grounded in psychological theory and research. They are trained to diagnose and treat mental health issues, address underlying emotional and psychological dynamics, and help couples work through deep-seated conflicts and traumas. There are four couples therapies in particular that have decades of research behind them. You can read about them here.

Books

If you like to read, there a bunch of great titles by bona fide relationship experts using empirically supported marriage and couples therapies. Although you won’t have the benefit of a live person working with you and your partner, these self-help courses can get you going in a better direction. And if you like the methodology, you should be able to find a coach or therapist who uses that model. You can check out the reading list at the bottom of my resources page for a few of my favorites.