June Reading Roundup

The unsaid, the unfair, and the unexpected.

Illustration by ands

Hey friends,

This month’s theme? All the subtle forces shaping how we connect, many of them hidden in plain sight. From bedtime cuddles to unspoken marriage complaints, from gender norms to the psychology behind “the ick,” these pieces explore the quieter, stickier parts of modern relationships. Sometimes the smallest shifts, like how we sleep or how we argue, carry the biggest weight.

This Month’s Picks:

• Cuddle Up—It’s Science: Couples who snuggle at bedtime feel less stress and more security.

• "Agree to Disagree" Might Be a Warning Sign: When too many topics become off-limits, connection erodes.

• What Men and Women Secretly Resent in Marriage: Two revealing lists from therapists.

• When She Outearns Him: The marital tension of flipping gender norms.

• The Case for (and Against) Emotional Validation: When “I see your feelings” helps—and when it doesn’t.

• Podcast Alert: I Was the Guest: A behind-the-scenes talk on modern love and therapy.

• Getting the Ick? It Might Be About You: What those sudden dating turn-offs really say.

• Empathy Isn’t Magic—It’s a Skill: How partners can learn to read each other better.

• One Phrase That Can Diffuse Almost Any Fight: The neuroscience of staying curious.

• Feminism, the Manosphere, and the Quiet Middle: Moving beyond gender war clickbait.

1. Cuddle Up—It’s Good for Your Relationship

New research suggests that bedtime snuggling—whether spooning, face-to-face, or just a simple brush of limbs—has real benefits. Couples who cuddle as they fall asleep report less stress and fewer signs of insecure attachment. Interestingly, your solo sleep style doesn’t matter much—it’s that moment of shared physical closeness at sleep onset that seems to count.
Read the study.

2. When “Agree to Disagree” Becomes Dangerous

A familiar phrase, “agree to disagree,” might feel like conflict resolution—but too much of it can hollow out your relationship. Researchers call this circumscribing: when more and more topics become off-limits, intimacy declines. Instead of shutting down, try “looping for understanding” (summarizing your partner’s perspective) or reframing to find shared values.
Explore the science behind disagreement.

3. Men’s Quiet Marriage Complaints

Therapists report four recurring gripes from men in long-term relationships: feeling criticized, judged, unheard, and sexually disconnected. These concerns often simmer under the surface until resentment sets in.
Does this resonate?

4. Women’s “Unspoken” Marriage Complaints

Meanwhile, women frequently cite feeling invisible, emotionally disconnected, and unsatisfied sexually. Many say they don’t feel truly known by their partners. These aren’t just gripes—they’re warning signs of growing distance.
Sound familiar?

5. When She Makes More Than Him

New research shows that relationships where women outearn men can suffer from hidden tension. Both partners may struggle: men report feeling emasculated, while women navigate external judgment and internalized discomfort. The data reveals just how stubborn gender roles can be—even in modern households.
Read the full piece.

6. Validation Is Good—But Not Always

This thoughtful piece takes a nuanced look at emotional validation. In therapy, validating a partner’s feelings builds safety. But in daily life, over-validating can sometimes enable narcissism or unhealthy dynamics. When empathy becomes performance instead of connection, it’s time to shift from validation to acknowledgement: “I see what you’re saying” without necessarily endorsing it.
Dig into the debate.

7. Cheaper Than Divorce: A Podcast Debut

I joined psychologist Renata Ellera for my first podcast appearance (!) to talk about what brings people to therapy, how gender stereotypes play out in couples work, and what really keeps partners connected.
Give it a listen.

8. What Getting the Ick Might Say About You

That sudden revulsion you feel during a budding romance? A new study suggests “the ick” is often more about the icker than the ickee. Traits like perfectionism, narcissism, and disgust sensitivity make us quicker to cut and run. It’s a fascinating look at how our inner world filters attraction.
Read the full study.

9. Your Partner Isn’t a Mind Reader—But They Could Be

Empathic accuracy—the ability to truly understand what your partner is feeling—is a major predictor of relationship satisfaction. While attachment style influences this skill, the good news is it’s learnable. Better empathy starts with asking, listening, and staying curious.
Here’s how.

10. One Phrase to Defuse an Argument

“I’m curious about why you see it that way.” This one sentence can short-circuit defensiveness and invite empathy. Research shows that curiosity literally changes your brain’s conflict response. Just make sure your tone matches your intention.
Try it next time things get heated.

11. Feminism, the Manosphere, and the Quiet Middle

This standout piece critiques the loudest voices in the gender wars—both feminist and manosphere extremes—while shining a light on quieter, constructive efforts happening outside the spotlight. It’s a call to meet in the middle, where actual solutions live.
Read the full essay.

Final Thoughts

From snuggles to stereotypes, this month’s roundup reminds us that the deepest truths about relationships often live in the quietest corners. What’s said—and what goes unsaid—can shape how we love, argue, and stay connected.

Until next month,

John