Briefly Noted: Subtle dynamics that can look like therapist bias.

One of the things I appreciate about Substack is how often the comment section improves the original idea.

In my recent piece, I suggested that what some men experience as bias in couples therapy may actually stem from a subtle communication asymmetry. Several commenters pushed this idea further, pointing out a few additional forces that can interact with that dynamic.

One is client expectations. Because the therapy field is majority female, some men enter therapy assuming a female therapist will side with their partner. In those cases, what looks like therapist bias may partly become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Another is a perceived coalition. If the therapist and one partner share a communication style, the other partner can feel outnumbered, even if the therapist is working hard to remain neutral.

And then there’s empathic pull. This one resonated with me a lot. I often notice that I resonate more strongly with one partner than the other, usually because of personal similarities like temperament, cognitive style, or life experience.

Part of the craft of couples therapy is noticing those pulls and deliberately deepening our understanding of the partner we resonate with less in those moments.

So thanks to the readers who helped push the ideas in this post a little further.