April Reading Roundup
Gender, Anger, AI, and the Quiet Power of Logging Off
Photo by DeepMind
Hey friends,
This month’s readings took me in some unexpected directions—from the subtle ways gender still shapes power and perception to the emotional fallout of “toughing it out” to the growing role of AI as an accidental confidante. We’re looking at big patterns and intimate truths—how couples navigate income dynamics, how social media messes with our nervous systems, and why the calmest partner in the room might just be the wisest one.
As always, this is a curated roundup of what’s caught my eye recently. I hope something here sparks thought, recognition, or a good conversation.
This Month’s Highlights:
Breadwinner Wives, Higher Divorce Rates – When she earns more, the marriage is three times more likely to end. Why?
The Kernel of Truth in Stereotypes – Gender perceptions aren’t wrong—but they’re not the whole story.
Does AI Care About Your Feelings? – Yes—if you're a woman.
Time for a Social Media Detox? – Why slowly stepping away works better than quitting cold turkey.
Anger and Attractiveness (or Lack Thereof) – Women see angry men as less intelligent. Oof.
The Toughness Trap – Rigid masculinity is hurting men’s mental health.
Neurodivergent, Not a Fraud – Why late-diagnosed women struggle to feel legitimate.
1. Why Do Higher-Earning Wives Divorce More Often?
Here’s a stat that might surprise you: in heterosexual marriages where the woman earns more, divorce is three times more likely. Even though only 16% of households have female breadwinners, they account for 42% of divorces.
Some interpret this as empowerment—women with options choosing not to settle. Others say it’s proof that old-school gender norms still grip us: that many men (and some women) still expect him to be the provider. Either way, the data shows we’re not as post-patriarchal as we like to think.
2. Gender Stereotypes: Not Wrong, Just Incomplete
This sweeping review of 50 years of data found that when it comes to gender traits, people are eerily good at guessing which sex scores higher—about 85% accurate, in fact. But that’s only part of the story.
Where people tend to go wrong is in estimating how much difference there is. We exaggerate some gaps (e.g., emotionality), underestimate others (e.g., academic performance), and miss the overlap altogether. It’s not that stereotypes are fiction—it’s that they’re only a rough sketch, not the full portrait.
3. Does AI Show Empathy? Depends on Your Gender
A new study from Fordham University analyzed AI responses to over 400 Reddit posts about mental health—and found that AI systems (like ChatGPT) responded more empathetically to women than to men. This mirrors patterns in human responses too, reinforcing that even our machines have soaked up society’s gender biases.
As more people turn to AI for support, this raises important questions. If you're a man struggling with emotional pain, will your AI therapist take you seriously?
4. Considering a Social Media Break? Don’t Ghost—Wean
The idea of quitting social media can feel liberating… until the loneliness sets in. While ditching the scroll can reduce anxiety, boost self-esteem, and improve focus, going cold turkey can backfire if social platforms are your main link to friends or community.
This piece recommends a more gradual detox: reduce screen time while actively reaching out to others in real life. Replacing social scrolling with meaningful offline connection isn’t just a wellness hack—it’s a quiet rebellion against algorithmic disconnection.
👉 Read the piece at Psychology Today
5. Calm Down, Dude—You’re Tanking Your Relationship
A study in Evolutionary Psychology found that men who display high levels of anger are perceived by women as less intelligent—even when their actual intelligence is controlled for. This perception not only damages their partner’s satisfaction but also correlates with more breakups.
Translation: chronic anger may not just be unattractive—it could be relationship poison. Emotional regulation isn’t just about avoiding conflict; it’s about preserving respect and connection.
6. The Masculinity Trap That’s Costing Men Their Lives
The latest research from the University of Zurich identifies three male archetypes: Egalitarians (flexible, emotionally open), Players (dominant, externalizing), and Stoics (emotionally closed and self-reliant). The Stoics were at the highest risk for depression and suicidality.
Rigid masculine norms—don’t cry, don’t need help, don’t talk—are more than outdated. They’re dangerous. The takeaway? Emotional expression isn’t weakness. It’s survival.
👉 Full article on Mad in America
7. Neurodivergent, Not an Impostor
For women diagnosed with ADHD or autism later in life, there’s often a second hurdle: self-doubt. Years of masking symptoms and striving to “seem normal” can lead to imposter syndrome. If I’ve made it this far without help, do I really need a diagnosis?
But masking isn’t coping—it’s surviving. This article reframes diagnosis not as a label but as a liberation. For many, it’s the first step toward support, community, and self-compassion.
👉 Read more at Psychology Today
Final Thoughts
This month’s readings highlight a central theme: hidden scripts. Whether it’s gender norms sabotaging a relationship, AI subtly replicating bias, or a late-diagnosed woman questioning her reality—so much of our struggle stems from unspoken assumptions.
So maybe the invitation this month is this: What silent story are you living by? And is it time to rewrite it?
Let me know what resonated—or surprised—you most. I always love hearing your reflections.
Until next month,
John